A play In three Parts......

Act I
Part I

The curtains rises. The scene depicted is a coffee shop where two of our main characters are sitting down and attempting to enjoy cold beverages as they silently complain that the beverages should in fact be hot. From the right enters another main character who shuffles in quickly, slips a mobile phone into his pocket as if just used, and sits down to a half drained cup that is also cold.

JOHN:
Puts foreign travel book on top of his head
Where did you go?

JOEL:
Removing earphones and staring into the half drained cup as he swirls it around.
What?

BEN:
Looking up from his half slumped chair position
He Said, Where did you go?

JOEL:
Putting Down the cup to reposition his hat to cover his unwashed hair
I was Eh.....I was just walking about.....on the phone.
Joel takes out his phone from his pocket and proceeds to turn it off and slam it back into his pocket.

JOHN:
Taking the foreign travel book and throwing it on the table to stare at JOEL with suspicious thoughts.
Right, Good Stuff.

JOEL:
Leaning forward on his chair and jokingly suggesting.
I was trying to escape to Sweden, turns out the bus goes as far as the tescos and then sort of, stops.

BEN:
Looking up through his mob of hair, clearly suffering from a headache or worse.
Why would you want to go to Sweden?

JOHN:
Taking a drink
Why not, Sweden is a beautiful country.

BEN:
Yes, but if you were going to run away somewhere It would be like Paris, or New York or Zimbabwe or something.

JOHN:
Grinning
Zimbabwe Is nice his time of year.

JOEL:
Sarcastically
Really!

JOHN:
Better Than New York, You would need a whole lot of money for New York

BEN:
Paris might be good, cheap and all.

JOEL:
Paris would be good, would be brilliant if we could just go, tonight. Completely fuck off.

JOHN:
That's stupid, we cant just go, we all have class in the morning, and I have band practice in like fifteen minuets.

BEN:
Beginning to feel excited
Bugger Your Band Practice....

JOEL:
Leaning forward and taping his foot on the floor.
Yea.....What he said!

JOHN:
Realistically
We cannot just fuck off, where's the money coming from?

JOEL:
Leaning back on his chair
Did We not just get our Loans.

JOHN:
I suppose.

BEN:
Hugging him self in fetal mode
So What are we doing?

JOEL:
Sitting forward in his chair
I think we should go to paris, tonight, not even book a hotel or hostel, just go and try to survive.

BEN:
How are we going to get there?

JOHN:
The train to london, then cross on the ferry.

JOEL:
I hate trains, flying might be easier,

BEN:
Flying from london!

JOEL:
Yea

JOHN:
Right but I've got band practice now.
John gets up to leave and states sarcastically
I'll see you later, I'll be back to pack

BEN:
Right, In a bit son.

JOEL:
In a bit

JOHN leaves the coffee shop and leaves both BEN and JOEL to plan and discuss vital proceedings.

JOEL:
Should we tell Paddy?

BEN:
NO! Ha, why would we!

JOEL:
I suppose, though there is a danger he might find out. So we should probably just invite him any way.

BEN:
Yea, wasn't he outside our flat last night.

JOEL:
Jokingly
Waiting in the bushes, I went to Home bargain to get some stuff and he was sitting outside.

BEN:
Weirdo

JOEL:
Laughing
Me or him.

BEN:
Him, no man that buys from home bargain is a weirdo.

JOEL:
Too true.

BEN:
Standing up slowly
We should go

JOEL:
Yes, but were too?

BEN:
Train station.

JOEL:
Sarcastically
Oh yea, were going to paris aren't we.

BEN:
Winces while standing up
Yea.

JOEL:
What's wrong with you?

BEN:
I might have been beaten up last night.

JOEL:
Might have! Did you see Paddy in the bushes as well?

BEN:
Na, was out with Rosie,
Crouches to pick up bag and pauses for a moment
I can't remember much.

JOEL:
Standing up
Must have been a good night

BEN:
laughing
I'll know once I can see again.

Joel laughs with Ben as they both continue out of the stage and slowly attempt to exit to the right.

Act I
Part II

BEN and JOEL enter stage right to the a scene depicting a low cost travel agents, both characters are out of breath and jumping about vividly looking for someone to confuse and obtain advice from. JOEL Approaches the desk and begins to talk to the bemused travel agent.

JOEL:
Clearly out of breath and leaning forward onto the counter while simultaneously waving his arms to explain what he is failing to say.
Hi, Eh.....We need to go...Now....

TRAVEL AGENT:
Exacerbated and annoyed
Excuse me

BEN:
Exhausted from the strenuous exercise, has collapsed to the floor where he randomly shouts.
......Quickly, some one is looking for us.

JOEL:
I.....we....us......not you, I mean I am sure you are nice......

BEN:
......I shouldn't have had that bacon sandwich for breakfast........

JOEL:
We want to go to Paris, Tonight.

BEN:
Shouting to the ceiling
Someone might break my legs!......come to think of it I shouldn't have had that sandwich I found under the stairs.
Clutching his stomach


JOEL:
Turns round to BEN, surprised that he is on he floor
You had my sandwich!
Resumes his position with the confused travel agent
Yes, how do we get there.....I mean the train girl, which is probably not even her real name, Said to come here, she eh....said her train was no good, Then I said "Neither is monopoly money but we still use it".
Takes a breath
Thats when the police came.

TRAVEL AGENT:
Bemused
OK, well we can arrange for a flight and hotel next month and since you seem to be students I can probably give you a five percent discount......

BEN:
Monotone
You don't understand!

JOEL:
Points to BEN on the floor
Withnail is right, we want to go tonight, and we are not bothered with a hotel.

TRAVEL AGENT:
OK, Well I'll See what I can do for you, can you please sit down Sir, and pick up your friend.


The TRAVEL AGENT Stands up and goes to the back door and leaves, The people in the travel agents look on at the two characters with horror, they exchange disgusted looks and tell them selves that how glad they are that they raised stupid kids. JOEL walks over to the chair covered in chewing gum and littered with religious paraphernalia and sits down. BEN remains on the floor breathing heavily and clutching his ribs, JOEL then takes out his phone and checks to see if it is turned off properly. He knows that if it is on he would be in trouble, so he shoves it back into his pocket and looks around.

JOEL:
Do you think she's actually doing something?

BEN:
Probably not, Why do you keep checking your phone?

JOEL:
What! I am not checking my phone, thats stupid.
Slight pause while JOEL thinks of a comeback
Why did you meet Rosie last night?

BEN:
Why the fuck do you think!

JOEL:
What, you were feeling sober!

BEN:
Below the belt my lad.

JOEL:
Or in your case, below piece of string.

BEN:
Pauses, looks down and considers an appreciative reaction
Touché
Folds his arms

The TRAVEL AGENT slips out of the door, scans the shop floor with her painted on eyes, spots the hard to miss characters, and quickly retreats to her door to slip back out.

BEN:
I can't believe that we ran into Paddy.

JOEL:
Yea, but who knew he was there.

BEN:
Until you actually ran into him.

JOEL:
Not on purpose, If I had of known that he was round the corner I might have sped up or something.

BEN:
What was he doing round the corner from the shop, he works an hour away.

JOEL:
He probably followed us.

BEN:
Why, just....why the fuck would someone follow us. Were not exactly friendly looking people judging by the look on these peoples faces.

JOEL:
Jokingly
Thats probably because I'm Irish.

BEN:
Probably because I'm on the fucking floor.

JOEL:
Touché
slight pause
Is JOHN ok, he seemed down today, and yesterday for that matter.

BEN:
I dont know, he was talking about something on Saturday at the pub.

JOEL:
Where was I on Saturday?

BEN:
If you can't remember, how can I.
Your were probably in the pub.

JOEL:
Oh yea, He was mumbling something to me but I was too busy trying to chat up that girl.

BEN:
Redhead one....

JOEL:
Yea

BEN:
What did you say?

JOEL:
Something about feeling like a traffic cone.

BEN:
Smooth!
Pauses for and minuet to reconsider there topic of conversation.
Yea, I am sure he's fine, but if not then this trip might bring something out.

An elderly couple go to leave the Travel Agents with sour looks on there faces, they step over BEN and pass JOEL with menacing looks before ultimately exiting.

JOEL:
You know, I could just book a flight back at the flat, then we phone JOHN and meet him at the pub before flying.

BEN:
Shaking his head and sitting up.
Yea, whatever

JOEL:
Right well lets go.

Both characters stand up and collect themselves elegantly, they look around and smile at the remaining customers of the gritty travel agents, bid them a grand farewell by waving there arms about and exit the to the left .


ACT I
Part III

JOEL and BEN enter stage left, the scene depicts a grimy, stale old pub. Both JOHN and a character that goes by the name is NIEVE are sitting down and individually protecting solitary, half consumed pints of tap spat alcohol. These two characters are deep in conversation until both JOEL and BEN arrive, holding small bags. JOELs bag looks considerably heavier than BEN's. They both sit down at he same table as JOHN and NIEVE.

BEN:
Alright...whispering girls!

JOHN looks up to judge and scowl at BEN for his comment, he is apparently annoyed that BEN and JOEL had interrupted.

JOHN:
Sad yet curious
Your not actually serious are you, why have you got your bags again?

NIEVE:
What has JOEL even got in his bag.
Sarcastically smiling
Are you heading home again?

JOEL:
More like what has BEN not got in his bag.

JOEL quickly lifts his heavy bag off his shoulder and sets it down beside him, he then points to BENS shoulder bag that is covered entirely with buttons and stickers that have been ripped off lamp posts and club toilet walls.

JOEL:
All he's packed is a a beret and a packet of condoms.

JOHN looks into his drink while NIEVE begins to roll a cigarette.

NIEVE:
Wait....
Jamming the carelessly rolled cigarette into his mouth to mumble
...Where the fuck are you's going?

JOHN:
Still staring into his drink, now scratching the paint of the rotting table.
Paris apparently.

NIEVE:
OH, Really....cool.
Apparently jealous

BEN:
Yea, we shall be living the bohemian lifestyle in no time.

JOEL:
Your hardly bohemian.

BEN:
What, come on....I'm A writer.

JOHN looks up to give an unrealistic look to JOEL

JOHN:
Two plus two is five.

NIEVE:
Is that what you do at uni......Creative writing

BEN:
No, I do film and media, but.....

NEIVE:
Turns to JOHN
Don is a writer.

JOHN:
Not looking up from his drink
Don is also an alcoholic

NIEVEL
To BEN
There you go, you should be an alcoholic to be a writer.

JOEL:
Under his breath
He already is one

JOHN looks up and smiles slightly at JOEL, receiving a comment only he could hear.

BEN:
Who is Don?

JOHN:
Old school mate of mine and Johns.

JOEL:
Checking the front of his phone
We probably have to go soon.

NIEVE:
Are you getting the train?

BEN:
No, were taking a plane

JOHN:
Are we getting a taxi to the airport.

JOEL:
We could get the bus, cheaper, I am trying to consider running away somewhere with some money, even through I have just paid for three people to fly to paris tonight.

NIEVE:
Taxi might be faster

JOHN:
I agree....

BEN:
Yea, its probably best.

JOHN:
What did you get from my room.

BEN reached over the table and grabbed small carrying bag from the floor, then proceeded to throw it towards JOHN.


BEN:
I got your camera, your travel book, and some clothes.

JOHN:
Looking worried
What about the picture on the desk, did you grab it....

BEN:
Yea, its in the bag.

JOHN:
looking relieved
Good stuff!
Gives a moronic thumbs up and smiles before residing to his staring competition with his empty glass.

NIEVE begins to roll another cigarette.

JOEL:
We should really be going.

NIEVE:
You're going now!

JOHN:
Looks like it.

BEN:
Hold on I'll go and call a taxi.

BEN gets up and runs towards the door then crashes through it to hail a taxi from outside the old pub. JOEL stands up and weirdly lifts his heavy band and drops it onto his shoulders, he looks towards the door hen he looks to the two people sitting down and trying to finish there drinks. He then moses round the table and sits on an unsteady stool in the corner. and looks towards the table across the room like an unwanted child. JOHN then stands up.

JOHN:
Right, well looks like I am away, so I will talk to you when I get back, or I'll phone you or something.

NIEVE remains sitting and checks his phone, quickly flicks the ash off his cigarette and looks up at JOHN.

NIEVE:
Alright, well If you need to phone then.....don't, might be with layla, or Rosie.

JOHN:
Rosie! Man be careful with her, Ben is in with her.

NIEVE:
Really, she didn't say.

BEN quickly puts his head through the door, and shouts throughout the entire pub, waking the old man in the corner up.
BEN:
OI, I got us one.

JOHN:
Turns to Nieve.
In a bit, son

NIEVE:
Stubbing out his cigarette and beginning to make another one.
In a bit!

JOHN moves round the table, picks up his bag and places it round his head, he them makes his way through the pub towards the door and exits, following behind him quickly is JOEL, who stands up, awkwardly nods to NIEVE then follows the other two character out to the waiting taxi.


ACT I
Part IV

All three characters enter from stage right and move into the airport setting. As the characters are walking towards the door BEN turns around to look at JOEL who is quickly following them and looks throughly confused, BEN then begins to point to the characters point of entry, to the right of the stage.

BEN:
What are you doing?

BEN stops both JOEL and himself while JOHN continues walking, he then notices that both BEN and JOEL have stopped and he slowly walks backwards to rejoin his friends.

JOEL:
What?

BEN:
Your forgot to pay the taxi driver!

JOHN:
I thought that you were paying it.

BEN:
What, I have no money.

JOEL:
For fuck sake.

JOEL promptly returns to the right to pay the taxi man while BEN and JOHN walk on towards the entrance of the airport in the middle of the Stage.

JOHN:
He seems to be in a hurry to leave the country

BEN:
Yea

BEN awkwardly laughs then proceeds to kneel down and clutch his ribcage.

JOHN:
What's wrong with you?

BEN:
Exhaling
I was beaten up..

JOHN:
Again!

BEN:
Inhaling
Yea.....Taking his time.

At this moment JOHN's phone begins to ring.

BEN:
Thats your phone.

JOHN drops his bag to the floor and answers his phone.

JOHN:
Hello...Who is this?......Joel's uncle......I am sorry how did you get this number........

BEN:
Who is it?

JOEL then enters from stage right has-tingly, he hurries over to his friends but as he sees JOHN on the phone, looking at his angrily, he slows to a stop a meter or so away from the two characters.


JOHN:
Its for you!

JOEL reaches over a doubled over ben and takes the phone, he then pretends to hold struggle to hold the small phone while both JOHN and BEN slowly walk away, once both characters are out of speaking distance JOEL begins his conversation.


JOEL:
Hello, Yes sorry I think the battery is dead or something, Where am I? I'm eh...in the halls, outside the halls even, the.....its loud outside. Yea, its beside a main road. You wanted to talk to me.......I know she's sick but I just can't......to be honest it's not my concern, I can't do anything about it. No...I can't. I can understand that its a difficult time, and that she's your sister, but she is my mother and........Look I really have to go.....Out to the shops.......It is serious we are out of milk.......I'm sorry but.....look I have to go please don't phone this number, if you want to talk to me then wait until my phone is on.

JOEL ends the call and re-arranges his bag on his shoulder. He then walks over to BEN and JOHN who are in a Que. to check in. JOEL hands JOHN his phone and sighs.

JOHN:
How did your uncle get my phone number?

JOEL is silent, he looks down to check his own phone.

BEN:
What's up JOEL?

JOEL:
Loudly
Nothing at all!

JOHN:
Look at all these families

BEN:
Hardly anything at all if family members are phoning John's phone.

JOEL:
Its not your fucking phone is it!

All three characters fell silent, they then moved into the free space and began to talk to the person in-charge of helping them run away.

LISA:
HI I'm Lisa, What is your destination today?


The three characters fumble for there passports and then slap them down onto the tall desk in-front of LISA.

JOEL:
We are heading to Paris.....on a Whim.

LISA smiles, looks down at her desk and he face changes from friendly to contempt. She proceed to print out tickets an place them on top of the high desk as the three characters stare in silence at there passports. LISA then smiles again and looks up at the three worn out characters who in-turn look up into her fake smiling face.

LISA:
Okie Dokie, Your flight departs at seven twenty be sure to go through security soon or you might not be ready in time.

BEN:
Thanks

JOHN:
Under his breath
Was born ready motha fucka!

All three characters laugh timidly, take there passports off the high desk and shift along to the side, they begin to walk to the left of the stage slowly.

JOHN:
Why the fuck are we going to Paris!

BEN:
Laughing
the real question is, where are we going to sleep?

JOEL:
This might not be a good idea.

BEN:
Well....yea, but suppose anywhere is better than here.

JOEL:
For a man who sleeps in a bin bag.....voluntarily, your quite right.

Three characters exit stage left.